Actual Quotes

There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.
- Ambrose Bierce

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
- Samuel Johnson

They misunderestimated me.
- George Bush

"But I also made it clear to [Russian President, Vladimir Putin] that it's important to think beyond the days of when we had the concept that if we blew each other up the world would be safe."
- George Bush

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.
- Don Herold

We were happily married for eight months.
Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years.
- Nick Faldo

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
-National Lampoon

"I want each and every American to know for certain that I'm responsible for the decisions I make, and each of you are as well."
- George Bush

"I heard somebody say, 'Where's (Nelson) Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas."
- George Bush

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
- Dave Barry

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
- Laurence J. Peter

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
- Thomas Jones

No matter what a stripper says theres no sex in the champaign room
Chris rock

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.
- John Adams

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
- Tom Lehrer

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.
- Calvin Trillin

Dance like it hurts,
Love like you need money,
Work when people are watching.
- Scott Adams