| Random thread for letting off stem | |
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The Eye Maximum Madness / Foil Grabbing Maniac
Posts : 1445 Join date : 2008-05-17 Age : 30 Location : Salami Producers Catering Association
| Subject: Random thread for letting off stem Mon Nov 10, 2008 3:53 am | |
| No on-topic eg. continuous posts please! - Spoiler:
SQUIRRELS
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Chris Flushing Meadows.
Posts : 1200 Join date : 2008-05-18 Location : The Valley
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The Eye Maximum Madness / Foil Grabbing Maniac
Posts : 1445 Join date : 2008-05-17 Age : 30 Location : Salami Producers Catering Association
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Tue Nov 11, 2008 3:27 am | |
| Who'd you teach it to?
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The Eye Maximum Madness / Foil Grabbing Maniac
Posts : 1445 Join date : 2008-05-17 Age : 30 Location : Salami Producers Catering Association
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Tue Nov 11, 2008 7:43 am | |
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Chris Flushing Meadows.
Posts : 1200 Join date : 2008-05-18 Location : The Valley
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Wed Nov 12, 2008 7:13 am | |
| I obviously didn't tortoise to you.... | |
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The Eye Maximum Madness / Foil Grabbing Maniac
Posts : 1445 Join date : 2008-05-17 Age : 30 Location : Salami Producers Catering Association
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Sat Nov 15, 2008 12:57 am | |
| A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age."
So the cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the nice ripe old age of 96.
When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren
...and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium. | |
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The Eye Maximum Madness / Foil Grabbing Maniac
Posts : 1445 Join date : 2008-05-17 Age : 30 Location : Salami Producers Catering Association
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Thu Nov 20, 2008 8:51 am | |
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The Eye Maximum Madness / Foil Grabbing Maniac
Posts : 1445 Join date : 2008-05-17 Age : 30 Location : Salami Producers Catering Association
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Wed Nov 26, 2008 10:06 pm | |
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The Eye Maximum Madness / Foil Grabbing Maniac
Posts : 1445 Join date : 2008-05-17 Age : 30 Location : Salami Producers Catering Association
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Sun Nov 30, 2008 8:06 pm | |
| Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
He sold his soul to Santa. | |
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Rincewind Forum Wizzard
Posts : 994 Join date : 2008-05-16 Age : 32 Location : Unseen University, Ankh-Morpork
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Sun Nov 30, 2008 8:22 pm | |
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Zombie Hobo Zombie Hobo
Posts : 214 Join date : 2008-05-23 Age : 29
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Mon Dec 01, 2008 6:32 am | |
| How do you bum out a quadriplegic amputee? Go up to him and say " Double jumping high five!" not sure if I've said that one at a gathering. - Spoiler:
If a tree falls in the forest and hits a mime, does anyone care?
- Spoiler:
I was looking up at at the stars the other night wondering..."WHERE THE HELL IS MY CEILING?!
Last edited by Zombie Hobo on Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:37 am; edited 1 time in total | |
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Zombie Hobo Zombie Hobo
Posts : 214 Join date : 2008-05-23 Age : 29
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:37 am | |
| - Spoiler:
You don't have to run faster than the bear, you just have to run faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
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The Eye Maximum Madness / Foil Grabbing Maniac
Posts : 1445 Join date : 2008-05-17 Age : 30 Location : Salami Producers Catering Association
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Mon Dec 01, 2008 9:15 pm | |
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The Eye Maximum Madness / Foil Grabbing Maniac
Posts : 1445 Join date : 2008-05-17 Age : 30 Location : Salami Producers Catering Association
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Thu Dec 25, 2008 6:14 am | |
| I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds.
1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.
10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner. | |
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Chris Flushing Meadows.
Posts : 1200 Join date : 2008-05-18 Location : The Valley
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Thu Dec 25, 2008 9:59 am | |
| If only was a card! I'd play "Leyline of singularity" & then play another | |
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The Eye Maximum Madness / Foil Grabbing Maniac
Posts : 1445 Join date : 2008-05-17 Age : 30 Location : Salami Producers Catering Association
| Subject: Re: Random thread for letting off stem Thu Dec 25, 2008 10:56 pm | |
| I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly. - Michel de Montaigne
I'm not sure I want popular opinion on my side -- I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts. - Bethania McKenstry
No degree of dullness can safeguard a work against the determination of critics to find it fascinating. - Harold Rosenberg | |
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| Random thread for letting off stem | |
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